i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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