I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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