Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
