I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
