If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
