it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
