We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
