I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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