i think my mom watched the whole time
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
