Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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