I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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