That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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