I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
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