I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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