awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
