I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
