I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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