you guys were way drunker than both of me
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
