East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Girls should come with a carfax report
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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