Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
