1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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