Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
should my penis look like a turkey
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
