i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize