He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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