Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
