Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Randomize
