As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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