Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
