I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
