On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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