Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
