Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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