And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
