Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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