tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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