Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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