dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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