This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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