do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
