my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
