I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
