Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
