my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
