Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
