Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
