If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
