and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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