Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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