how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
