How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
