i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
