I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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