I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
