NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
