Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
