It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
