I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
