i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
