Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
