I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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