Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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