I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
