OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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