hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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