Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
