Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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