Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
