I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
