it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize